you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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