Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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