tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
