the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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