; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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