People with herpes should wear stickers.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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