I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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