Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
