Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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