My liver just broke up with me...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
