My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
