is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i think my cat just said my name.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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