is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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