Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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