My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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