fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I came so hard my ears popped.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize