i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
