Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
