people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
