How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
