I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
