my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize