I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
