wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
