marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
