Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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