mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
