Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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