i don't plan on having that self control this summer
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
