you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
