One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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