Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
