I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
