I faked an abortion last night.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
