Whod you bang
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
