My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
