I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
