loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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