i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
