I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
