So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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