Plan B is the new Plan A
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
