Plan B is the new Plan A
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
