I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
