why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize