After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
