That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize