you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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