Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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