I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
