Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
