don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is it because I queefed?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
