can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
