Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
