I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
