I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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