he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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