He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
