Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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