dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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