umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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