Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My dick has a subreddit
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
