Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
