I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
