College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
