the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
