somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
