Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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