Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
