I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
