It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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