12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
