I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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