she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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