If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
