if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
