i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
