Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
