College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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