we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
