idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
