Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
