i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
