By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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