i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
