Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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