Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
