I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
