I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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