U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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