that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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