I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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