my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
