you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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