i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
