girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
