I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
