is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
