So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
