my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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