4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
