you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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