More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
