He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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