Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
