So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
