She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
